The Men's Guide to Woman

She's giving you the silent treatment: Say, "I love you and smile innocently."

Where's dinner? "You know what would be so great? That [fantastic dish here] that you made a couple of weeks ago."

She's yelling. Find out at whom she's yelling. If it's someone else, let her yell. If it's you, say, "Let's have a drink and talk about it."

Her chin is quivering. Immediate hug.

She's still getting ready. Remember that she just wants to look her best.

She's running a temperature. Two Tylenol and fluids.

She won't have sex with you. Give her a back rub (see next page), kiss her neck.

Her friend is extremely attractive. Avoid direct eye contact.

She won't return your phone calls. Move on.